Wednesday, May 30, 2012


I read " Along Comes A Stranger "  by Dorie McCullough Lawson this weekend.  To be honest I read it in about two hours Sunday night.  It is about a woman from Massachusetts who has married and moved with her husband to Wyoming. She suspects her mother in law's new boyfriend of not being who he says he is.

This booked bogged me down with phone conversations and interpersonal ramblings.  Where each twist was going was obvious and easy to anticipate.  I understood that I was suppose to connect to the main characters human struggle, and I understood the author was trying to get me involved in her everyday life and wanted me to feel the intensity building.  But I didn't.  There are a few honest and quotable glimpses into the human condition, and there are a few intense sections.  But nothing elicited a strong emotional response from me.

This was the authors debut novel.  While this book did little for me I wouldn't shy away from picking up one of her books again.  There were definitely some promise that may have been more fully realized.

2 out of 5 Stars.

In other reading news I am also randomly reading Sense and Sensibility whenever I pick up my kindle.  It reminds me how much I enjoy words and phrasing.  I have yet to make it all the way through, but I will let you know when I do!  

Have you read any good books lately?

Monday, May 28, 2012

Saying Good Bye to Running

I love running.  It is a mental game that keeps my mind engaged while kicking any stress I was feeling to the curb.  2011 was the year from hell.  I spent most of hell year dreaming about running.  I read runners blogs (still do), Internet articles, magazines, I received a Garmin Forerunner for Christmas in the hopes I would be healthy enough to use it the next year.  I looked at race schedules, set up training schedules for myself and was fully prepared to get out there and RUN when I recovered from hell year.  There are road blocks that are standing in the way of my running.

1.  I supinate, badly.  I have yet to go to a foot Doctor to get insoles.  This also make my back hurt and my hips go out of alignment.
2.  I get heart palpitations.  I have in fact gone to the Doctor for this.  My cardiologist basically said there is nothing wrong with me ( besides my fatness) and to never come back again.  
3.  Pleurisy.  Last year, my gall bladder spent the entire year trying to kill me (Hell year).  No one was able to figure this out for months.  The main part of it’s attack was inflaming my right lung.  Worst pain of my life.  I would rather go through the gall bladder surgery, recovery, and still present pain repercussions then to ever have pleurisy ever, ever again.  My right lung still isn’t right. Humidity still hurts, and be active still hurts.  I am very careful with it.

I was very upset.  What was I going to do?  I needed to loose weight, get stronger, and to do that I needed to be engaged in my workout.  First I went to a gym.  3-4 days a week.  I ran a little, recumbant biked a little, and hit the weights.  I was never able to so the cardio long enough to burn any real calories though.  Then Spring came and my husband and I were spending a lot of nights out walking the dog together.  He was counting it as cardio, and he can lose weight by walking.  I can not.  Again, I was stuck.

The answer was cycling.  The following quote says it much better then I can:

“"Right now my bike is a symbol of strength and flexibility. It reminds me that my life isn’t under my control, but there are no dead ends. Life is hard. The last year has been hard for me and it’s been hard for many of the people I love. But in the midst of struggles there is still joy. And that joy is worth pursuing and worth working for. I love running. I love my bike. And if someday I can neither run nor ride, I will find something else to do.”

My journey into cycling has been recent, but it has also been wonderful.

But that’s a blog for another time.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Age 30 Life Review

I’ve always had a problem with aging.  I never really thought I would make it past 18.  I’ve declared repeatedly that I was sticking with 26 when asked my age.  I am now nearing the end of 30.  My 30 breakdown was delayed due to illness but it was waiting for me.  I was expecting some version of 30=almost dead, but in my head it kind of stopped there.  The real thing went much deeper.  

30 caused a whole life review.  Which was very beneficial but not very logical.  I woke up one day and was not content with anything.  I needed more STUFF bigger STUFF newer STUFF how did I get to 30 and not have this STUFF?!?!  I am 30!  I should have an awesome couch, better computer, bigger house, newer car... on and on and on.  A friend's 30 meltdown even included her silverware.  Of the many indications that this was ridiculous the biggest one to me was this.  I did not spend my 20’s trying to get stuff.  It wasn’t a goal, in fact at some points it was anti goal.  So why the 30 gotta haves?

The gotta haves were a stepping stone.  Why don’t I have stuff?  I don’t have money.  Why don’t I have money?  I don’t make enough?  Why don’t I make enough?  Do  I need to be more ambitious?  Do I need to go get my masters?  What do I want a masters in?  What do I want my job to be?  Do I want kids?  Am I happy in my marriage?  With my relationship with God?  With my physical appearance?  What can I do to be more content?  To live more?

30= almost dead was the theme.  The conclusion being I need to live in a way that best fits with who I am and who I want to be.

I feel like the first 30 years of my life I was training for a marathon.  Any sporting event I've ever wanted to participate in I have trained.  When you train you learn you can go further, faster, and in worse condition than you ever imagined possible.  That was my twenties, a grueling nasty training period with all of the triumphs that come with that.  I am ready to apply all I have learned to the next step in my journey. 

I’ve started this blog to map all of my transformations, whatever they may be.  The focus right now is on getting strong and losing fat.  But most of the other questions are still present, and I am looking forward to sharing the answers as I find them, or create them.