I’ve
always had a problem with aging. I never really thought I would make it past 18. I’ve declared repeatedly that I was
sticking with 26 when asked my age. I am now nearing the end of 30. My
30 breakdown was delayed due to illness but it was waiting for me. I
was expecting some version of 30=almost dead, but in my head it kind of
stopped there. The real thing went much deeper.
30 caused a whole life review. Which was very beneficial but not very logical. I woke up one day and was not content with anything. I needed more STUFF bigger STUFF newer STUFF how did I get to 30 and not have this STUFF?!?! I am 30! I should have an awesome couch, better computer, bigger house, newer car... on and on and on. A friend's 30 meltdown even included her silverware. Of the many indications that this was ridiculous the biggest one to me was this. I did not spend my 20’s trying to get stuff. It wasn’t a goal, in fact at some points it was anti goal. So why the 30 gotta haves?
The gotta haves were a stepping stone. Why don’t I have stuff? I don’t have money. Why don’t I have money? I don’t make enough? Why don’t I make enough? Do I need to be more ambitious? Do I need to go get my masters? What do I want a masters in? What do I want my job to be? Do I want kids? Am I happy in my marriage? With my relationship with God? With my physical appearance? What can I do to be more content? To live more?
30= almost dead was the theme. The conclusion being I need to live in a way that best fits with who I am and who I want to be.
30 caused a whole life review. Which was very beneficial but not very logical. I woke up one day and was not content with anything. I needed more STUFF bigger STUFF newer STUFF how did I get to 30 and not have this STUFF?!?! I am 30! I should have an awesome couch, better computer, bigger house, newer car... on and on and on. A friend's 30 meltdown even included her silverware. Of the many indications that this was ridiculous the biggest one to me was this. I did not spend my 20’s trying to get stuff. It wasn’t a goal, in fact at some points it was anti goal. So why the 30 gotta haves?
The gotta haves were a stepping stone. Why don’t I have stuff? I don’t have money. Why don’t I have money? I don’t make enough? Why don’t I make enough? Do I need to be more ambitious? Do I need to go get my masters? What do I want a masters in? What do I want my job to be? Do I want kids? Am I happy in my marriage? With my relationship with God? With my physical appearance? What can I do to be more content? To live more?
30= almost dead was the theme. The conclusion being I need to live in a way that best fits with who I am and who I want to be.
I
feel like the first 30 years of my life I was training for a marathon.
Any sporting event I've ever wanted to participate in I have trained.
When you train you learn you can go further, faster, and in worse
condition than you ever imagined possible. That was my twenties, a
grueling nasty training period with all of the triumphs that come with
that. I am ready to apply all I have learned to the next step in my journey.
I’ve started this blog to map all of my transformations, whatever they may be. The focus right now is on getting strong and losing fat. But most of the other questions are still present, and I am looking forward to sharing the answers as I find them, or create them.
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